I’m sitting here

I am fizzled and I am

tired of being nineteen

I want to be 8 again

 

and I want to build

sandcastles and pretend

I don’t know who

I am until

the sun burns up

into the horizon

then

I run back to where

my parents sit

and I let them

worry about the world

for me

 

or

I want to be 13 again

when I thought kissing

boys was the most important thing

and I knew it wasn’t

but I thought it would be

when I turned 17

and

it could’ve been

 

but I’m six months from 20

and I’ve kissed more

boys than I can count

on two hands

and

I’ve wanted to love

 

none.