I Yell Because...

I yell because I care.
And why do I care for you so much?
Because the little things matter the most to me
Those moments you surprise me by coming up to my high school just to walk me to Olney Terminal bus stop.
You greeted me with a smile that warmed my heart and put butterflies in my stomach at the same time.
The warmth in my heart continued to travel through my body, my veins, until they warmed the hand you held.
MY hand.
No matter the traffic or wait, you always hugged me from behind and stood with me until the bus came
The fact that you would take the sub and a bus for a 10 minute walk meant the most to me.

I yell because you make me angry
And why am I angry?
Because things aren’t the same.
You told me that you loved me.
You told me you’d never lie.
But when I asked you about the pictures of your “FRIEND”, you told me it was nothing.
Nothing to worry about.
But as I look at the picture of you too smiling and kissing, I see nothing but reasons to worry.
I analyze another picture of her laughing and you kissing her cheek,
Her dark hair falling over her face as her cheek bones rise from the huge smile on her face.
Your light arms hugging her body as you pulled HER closer.
What a cute action shot.
I remembered how you use to pull me close like that.
All the warmth in my heart turned to stone, causing nothing but pain and heaviness.
The butterflies in my stomach turned into nausea at the sight of you being happy with anyone else.
You lied when you said you’d never lie because you lied when you said you loved me
You could never treat the one you LOVE like that

I yell because you’re unappreciative
And why are you unappreciative?
I wish I knew.
Any guy would be lucky to have a woman who tolerates what I do for you.
I’ve lived with all YOUR mistakes and bad decisions
I’ve been your woman, chef, pillow, therapist, support, and bestfriend
As much as I want to leave you, I will always be there for you.
Even after all the lies, drama, and bad times I will always have your back
Everything that we have been through made us what we are.
Which can be interpreted in a good or bad way
Because I care.

I yell because I’m done.
And why am I done?
Because I know things won’t change
As much as I hope they do change, it probably never will
I know that you hear everything I say but I’m not certain you listen or understand.
You are sometimes so stubborn and stuck in your ways.
I feel like I fight with myself
Like I’m in a relationship by myself.
I don’t want to fight anymore.
But I don’t want to be done.

I yell because I care.
And why do I care?
I care because I love you.
But I yell because I’m not sure you love me back.