I Saw It First and Then You Second
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I saw it first
and then you second.
I heard the words
I heard you speak them in anger and maybe even sadness
and I know you never meant them
but I also know that you wouldnt take them back
I cant say I blame you, I wouldn't have done the same.
I knew what I had gotten myself into
I knew this game with you,
We played it unconsiously agaisnt our own will
We never wanted hate
We never wanted anger
But somehow they seemed to find us at the most inconvienent of times
I was too hard
too cold.
trying to protect myself from this cycle
but at the same time wanting to be closer to you
I fooled myself into thinking that I could have it both ways
You were too soft
too warm.
trying to protect yourself from the sadness that overwhelmed you
but at the same time causing your own self destruction
Its in my nature to want to care for you
I swear to God that I could see your pain before I saw you
I could feel it
in my bones and more importantly in my heart
I told myself that I could help you
this is why you were back
you needed me
but more importantly I needed you
I saw it
and then you second
Who knew that this friendship would end so viciously
I knew
I knew that this wouldn't last
my words were nothing but static to you
your words were the same to me
You told me
You told me a lie and in return I lied to you
Maybe it was out of anger
and maybe it was to protect myself
We had been through this before
but this time it had felt so final
How many times had we crossed paths?
How many times did we find ourselves
In the same spot we had always been
How many more times will it happen again?
Maybe this was the last time
Maybe it isnt.
I saw it
and then you second
I didnt stop myself
I didnt say no
I wanted your presense in my life again
even if it was short this time
It was worth it
to feel that special bond I didn't seem to have with anyone else but you
it wasnt romantic
nor was it just platonic
I wanted that feeling again
Even if it ended viciously
but they always do
In all honesty, I dont think I would be strong enough to tell you Goodbye if it wasnt fueled by anger
You know you love someone when you still hope that they find happiness
even if you arent apart of it.
Even if they tried to hurt you.
I saw it first
and then you second
and sometimes I wish I hadn't.