I Gave In
Dear Paperbacks,
You were once a dreaded activity in my house,
nothing more than a useless way for me to pass time.
There were millions of other things I wished I had been doing,
All of which had nothing to do with me reading you.
Maybe it was because I knew that if I gave in,
I would fall into a rabbit hole of not knowing how to live without you.
I better not try it.
You intimidated me.
I knew, but didn’t want to admit, that I wouldn’t get to understand,
Your value increased with every hundredth page you packed on,
Which inevitably added to my desire in walking away from you.
What if I had changed my mind earlier?
I didn’t know that reading you could mean anything but pain and annoyance,
But I picked you up...
...And set you back down.
I wasn’t going to voluntarily sentence myself,
a commitment as deep as the one you require, I wasn’t...
But I did.
And I was right,
I wasn’t ready.
You made me nervous.
Made my palms sweat,
Heart beat faster,
Eyes moving quicker than I knew they could.
And then you stopped.
You gave me a temporary home and took it away,
You made me fall in love with those I shouldn’t have.
You took away the facts I thought I knew.
You changed me and left me with broken remains,
But you put them back.
Because I kept looking and I found you.
With a different name, different personality,
But same you.
Maybe I shouldn’t have.
With Deep Sentiments,
Michelle Zarate