To the You from that night:

I hope that you know.

 

Did you consider the torment,

that trickled broken onto the sheets?

Or that my silence was

plethoric with pleas

          and shouts

muffled in shock?

Did you consider the water,

that unwillingly grazed my eyes and fondled your tongue?

Did you consider

that it wasn’t okay

and that neither was I?

 

But…

Was it?

Was I?

Because of Courage

or lack thereof

My being, my soul

was silenced by

my Mouth.

I didn’t say it.

I didn’t say

No.

My fault, my problem, my fault, my problem...

No?

We were friends, so it’s friendly,

wholly okay…

Never that word, always taboo

Can’t call Me a victim…

It happens. Like a Cold.

I can move on...

No?

Blurry vision, confusion, and

panic illusions

why am I delusions and

painful conclusions

harrowing Intrusion

harrowing Intrusion

harrowing Intrusion

har

row

ing

In

tru

sion

intrusion intrusion

No.

I thought that since

You knew me...

permission sufficient through friendship.

No.

I should have gone home shouldn’t have worn it should have stayed sober shouldn’t have lost it should have told you stop shouldn’t have cried should have wanted to.

Because You weren’t

Just some random Guy.

So it wasn’t wrong. Or wrong.

No.

I never said

No.

But You

should’ve

kNown.

Because I couldn’t say

Yes,

you

kNow?

 

From a

broken Me,

Years after

that Party.