I Am...Who am I?
I Am...Who am I?
Who am I?
I am x-
An unknown, never constant, and always drifting.
I wonder what it is that escapes my comprehension,
the murky unknown of the future, or
the murky days of now.
and then I think I know,
with a bright clarity, a flashing light in the darkness-
but no, I do not know. All I can do
is wonder y I am this way, if I am Nobody, or
if it’s all really as simple as “x+2.”
I can feel a swirl and rush of emotions, and
I can see bright eyes looking out at the world,
but only blank lost eyes looking back at myself.
All I am is x,
An undefined variable, a loose thread, a wild card.
X is me, and I am he.
I am driven to perfection,
like the cold calculations of x. Unfeeling and unflinching,
deriving truths with logic, but
still playing cards with magic.
I sigh as I ponder on the unknown.
What’s the point, really?
But then, I sigh again as I ponder on the topic of me.
After all, I’m not just Nobody.
I can’t be!
I am Somebody,
just unknown as x,
because I am x, and x is me.
Right?
I pretend at home. I pretend at school.
I pretend not to feel,
not to be aware of my surroundings.
But I know the truth- hidden away in my thoughts:
I can’t do much more, not this, not for much longer.
I can’t pretend not to cry.
I can’t pretend not to want those fleeting memories of the past,
these startling moment of now, relived.
After all, I may be x,
but can’t an unknown be worried?
I dream of times, all over the ages
but hidden from view, and locked away in pages…
I dream of those magical times
when fairies flit freely and goblins- in hatred- rattled their cages.
I dream of a day when all this may be true,
but it already may have been, and
I’m just too late.
I dream of it daily, day in and day out:
All I really want is for the world to be alive again,
bursting with magic, not fraying at the seams.
But it seems that all I can do is dream, as
I chase after the imaginary and the fantastical,
the beautiful and the broken,
even as I believe in evidence.
Finally, eventually,
I may know, I may realize.
I don’t have to be Somebody.
I don’t have to solve for x and determine y.
I am x, an infinity of possibility.
And I am Nobody. Who are you?