I Am Not My Scars
These scars are not telling you
About some beautiful tragedy.
These scars say
I’m fucked up.
They scream
I hate myself
Enough
To press a blade into my skin.
If you are hearing anything different,
You are mistranslating.
These scars don’t somehow make me strong,
Nor do they suddenly quantify me as weak.
They do not define me.
I am not the struggles
Which caused them.
I am not the loneliness
Or regret or pain or anger or self-loathing or brokenness
That brought me to that point.
I am not the illnesses
Which plague my mind.
I am not the siren song
Of Depression
As it coaxes me
Into the blackened waters
That could be my grave.
I am not the incessant chorus
Of Anxiety
As more voices steadily join in
And fill the spaces in my mind with doubt.
I am not a hero
For remaining here today.
That was an accident.
I am just a lost soul
Trying to find its way
Despite misleading voices
Pushing and pulling me in all the wrong directions.
I am not a villain or a coward
For trying to escape.
I am just someone who has
Fallen to points of hopelessness
That seemed to cloak every aspect of life
In darkness.
I am simply learning
That to find light,
There are other places I may look
So long as I find it within myself
To continue searching.
These scars
Do not tell of the intricacies
Of my life.
They tell only of pain
And a desperation found
In the unknown
And that which is unable to be controlled.
Do not take them at their word.
They know but a fraction of the story.