I am

Many things.

I am blonde.

I am tall.

I am smart.

Sure...

I am those things.

But you know what else?

I am other things too.

I am things that you don't know.

I am fat.

So fat that I cry

Day after recheted day

Because my size

Has two digits.

I am loney.

Loney when my friend goes out

With her boyfriend

Leaving me with my past.

I was depression.

Depression with the sucicidal tendinces.

The time with the gun.

The time with the water and the weighted backpack.

The countless time with the knife and my words saying "No one loves you."

I was that self harming freak.

Destined to long sleeves

In hot PE classes.

Destined to teachers saying how's home

And I saying fine.

It was not fine.

I was not fine. 

My home and I were broken.

Words like bullets

Targeted only at any breathing thing near.

Pans flying.

Doors slamming.

Only to leave me.

The 3 year old under the table

Wondering if this is really love.

I was confused.

On top of everything

Wondering why

Only girls

Seemed beautiful.

Yes I was almost

almost

done.

Dead.

Forgotten.

But I am strong.

I put down that knife.

I am strong.

I told myself I'm beautiful.

I am strong.

I realized that love has no limits.

I am strong.

I don't have to be my past.

I am only my future.

I still cry.

I still hurt.

I still don't alway know

The answers.

But I am alive.

Living and breahing.

That is all I

have to

be.