Because I love you, I will forgive what you did with her.

Because you love me, you didn’t mean it.

Mistakes are made.

Because I love you, I will apologize.

You’re yelling and you’re screaming because I am crying.

“Why the fuck are you crying?”

Because my heart is aching. But I’m so sorry.

But I will never truthfully answer that question.

All I can muster is a mousy “I don’t know”

Caught between chokes and sobs.

What I will never say to you is that you have changed me. I don’t remember the girl I used to be.

I will never tell you how bad it hurts to love you.

I run back to the arms that beat me black and blue because that is my home now. Those arms aren’t safe, but they feel safe. They feel warm. They feel lovely.

The worst pain I have ever felt was the frustration, the tornado in my mind, the fight between running away and staying put. You yelled. I was afraid of you. But I was more afraid of being without you.

The truth is, I should have run. I should have sprinted.

But when you love someone, they can stab you in the heart and you will use your last breath to whisper

“I love you”

Because I love you, I have wounds that you have made, but they bleed love.

My parents failed to warn me of the boy with the heterochromia eyes, the sharp features, and the strong hands.

They warned me about

Tornados

And fire

And frostbite

And floods.

So maybe they did warn me. I just wasn’t listening.

 

I was writing to a boy, but now I write to a girl. A lonely, creative, beautiful girl. A girl who could rule the world if only she would realize it.

And to her I write,

Because I love you, I made you run away.

Because I love you, you must be alone.

Because I love you, I force you to get out of bed each morning and brush your beautiful hair.

Because I love you, I will let the tears fall. I will let the earthquakes shake you.

You will grow. You will strengthen.

Because I love you, you are not finished. This is only the beginning. Now, it feels like being alone is the equivalent to burning in hell. But it is not. I am here for you, because I love you. You are never truly alone. you cannot give up, you will not.

Because I love you, you will make it.