Growth

Mon, 01/08/2018 - 20:38 -- bolleas

To My First Love,

Oh boy did I love you.

We went from nothing to everything in under a month.

A couple of dates, to hanging out every single day.

I was on top of the world with you.

Together, I felt like nothing could stop us.

You became my other half.

But, we were childish and naïve to think that nothing would every change us.

Soon the laughter and smiles turned into tears and screams. 

You were so good to me, but so bad for me at the same time.

You made me feel as though I was always wrong, I was ugly, I was dumb.

That I deserved the hate you threw at me, that I would never be loved again, that I was just…

Worthless.

It didn’t matter how much I cried or how much I hated the things that you would do to me, because each time I would still find my way back to you.

Everyone thinks that I didn’t see how you treated me.

I did, but I was just too addicted to you to leave.

I craved your touch, your few kind words, and your ability to always be available for me.

I yearned to not be lonely.

 To be the “it couple” that everyone was jealous of.

And now, I’ve learned that looks can be deceiving.

My mom was right when she said that even roses have their thorns.

No matter the fights or how I felt, we would still always end up together.

It was like forcing two corners of a puzzle to fit.

Toxic and painful, yet so hard to let go of.

It felt as though we were all each other had.

Three years of memories was hard to wash away.

But now, it’s been a year.

I think that I’ve finally moved on for real this time.

I’m not dating someone just to fill the void this time.

I’ve now learned my worth, and I’m refusing to settle for less.

I want someone who actually wants to be with me and will consistently show it.

I love him.

And this time I think its real love.

I don’t think that it is the type of love that I’m forcing.

It seems so natural.

He doesn’t put me down all the time for fun.

He encourages my growth.

He takes care of me and looks out for me, and not for selfish reasons.

He truly wants what is best for me.

After being with him for a while now, I can honestly say that I have finally moved on.

Now that I’ve breathed fresher air, it is all I want to consume.

Not talking to you anymore will always hurt, but I know it is for the better.

For like any good drug, you would instantly consume me and throw me back into my dark ways.

So thank you for being there for me for those three years and helping me create those memories that I will cherish.

But most importantly, thank you for providing me with these lessons to learn from and grow into the person that I am today. 

I will always love you, but now it is more a love for our memories instead of you.

 

Love,

Your Now Stronger Ex

B.S.S.

 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
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