Body Battlegrounds

Location

Yes mother

I have a stomach

Yes mother

I know that when I wear tight dresses that stomach shows

But no mother

I will not go change

I will not return the dress

I will not be ashamed of my stomach

 

Do you know how long it took me to find self-confidence?

To look in the mirror and be able to think

“I like I how I look”

Years

 

I hid behind clothing so that no one would ever take notice of the body underneath

In 7th grade I wore the same sweatshirt every day

To hid the stomach that you are so kindly pointing out

Mother

 

I am not fat

I learned a long time ago

Though not from you

That I do not have to be stick thin to be considered skinny

And even if I were fat

Would you want me to cower from my body?

Cover it up?

Hid it from the world?

Or would you rather I let people see me for who I am?

 

My mother is an amazing person

She knows everything about me

But she feels the need to point out flaws in my body

Ella you have a stomach

Ella you have a butt

Wow mom thank you

Had you not said something I would have actually not known that

Thank god you are here to save me from my body

 

The body

May I remind you

That you gave me

The body

That I am proud of

That I have confidence in

And yet you don’t

 

Believe it or not mom

You have somehow raised me to become a strong confident woman

A woman who could not care less about her stomach

Or her butt

Or any part of her body that you see as somehow flawed

 

I am your child

Though I come from you

I am an independent person

And yet my body has become a battleground

In which you feel the right to stab insults into

I am defenseless, mother

I do not fight back

So can you just leave my body alone?

 

It is my body

I get to decide how much my stomach shows

How much my thighs show

How much my butt shows

You may be my mother

But when it comes to my body

You have no say

 

You raised me to be this confident woman

And yet everyday it feels like I am defending that confidence from you

And the sad thing is that the one piece of confidence I lack

Is to ever say these words to you

 

You see mom

What you don’t understand is that I see my body everyday

I know what it looks like

I know its flaws

But I can look at myself and say I love it no matter what

So, mom, why can’t you?

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