"Blue"

is too beautiful a word

to describe being eaten from the inside out

wanting to melt away into nothing.

Blue

is the color of a morning sky

the reflection of it shining off

a kitchen knife.

and red

is the color

of freshly pooled blood

because blood is the way you want to go

a statement of bold red

matted in your hair and pooling on the floor

a last dramatic flair.

"sad"

is a word to describe

failing a math quiz

or losing a necklace,

not curling up into a ball in a dark room

begging not to be found

but also hoping to be

because a small part of you still believes

you could be saved.

but instead you whisper to ghosts

and beg them to help you

but they don't

because they're scared

of what your mind can do

and what you do to yourself.

a cut

is what happens when you scrape your knee

not when the knife slowly slides against your skin

savoring the feeling

like inhaling smoke

and exhaling with eyes closed

happy to be feeling something.

and "dramatic"

is breaking down in tears

because life is too much

and all at once you feel nothing anymore

because you don't know how to get out of bed

because the floor is covered with shards of glass that you put there

because the minute your feet touch the floor

you'll fall far far down

and you may never get out,

because you can't think of reasons to live

or people who might care

you only think about that pain deep in your stomach

and the prickly feeling of eyes red with tears.

I'm "tired" you'll say

to friends who want to go out

or parents who aren't concerned

while you sit on the floor and cry

and sleep and wake up and cry some more

"get over it" they say

when you haven't smiled for days

when you forget to eat some days

or forget to come downstairs

because the people who were supposed to love you and protect you

tell you to stop being "rude" and a "brat"

because the scars are from accidents

and it's all just a phase

"hormones" they say

and laugh and continue with their lives,

because blue is just a color

that follows me around

red is just an idea

sadness is just an emotion not a condition,

and the cuts are only from paper.