Buzz Buzz

I check my phone

"What are you doing"

My heart skips a beat.

So I slip my phone into my back jean pocket

Buzz Buzz

I check my phone

"Why didn't you answer"

A gentle frown covers my face. I retreat

into myself. 

How do I tell someone I care for - I love - to stop caring? How do I tell someone to stop 

loving me? 

A month ago, this was all I wished for; how can I breathe in my wish again?

He's my Sun. I'm his Star. How do I tell the earth to stop moving around the sun, a star to stop moving around the earth? 

I breathe out. Is this what it feels like to love someone? 

I should stay strong - I've never felt this before, how should I know what not to feel? Shouldn't it feel

wrong? Do I even know what it means to feel right? Isn't this right?

Buzz Buzz

"Answer." 

I breathe in. I breathe out. 

When we fought, I broke down. When you told me I wasn't enough, my body curled into my mind

outside of myself,

of the world.

But nothing, nothing, can burn up my stomach into my throat as much as when I don't have you.

Nothing except for the self-deprication I am putting myself through

the constant battle

the constant hate

that I feel when I step outside of my mind

and see myself put up with you.