The leaves flutter, sink, plummet

In a blizzard of confetti,

Of decaying, copper confetti.

My boots smash them into the ground

To make them decay faster--die, die, die.

They crunch and crackle and tear,

Just as my heart does in my chest,

Beneath my paper skin and hollow bones.

Just as my heart does.

Just as my heart does.

 

I see you in the fall.

In the shedding trees

In the the icy breeze.

I see you in the pale puddles

And the dark rivulets of water

That run and run

Down to the sewers.

Down to the depths to be hidden

Just like my tears.

Just like my tears.

 

I see you in fall

Even though you were made of spring.

You brought me spring

With fresh flowers and song.

The sun always peeked through your

Teeth when you smiled and made me feel

Less alone.

When my parents left,

You brought me spring.

You brought me spring when I brought you winter.

Just as a friend would.

Just as a friend would.

 

You were immune to disenchantment.

You were an enchantment.

A living, breathing curse to my despondency

To my uneasy, fluttering heart.

You were the start of my recovery,

My rediscovery.

You were the one.

 

You were the one.

 

You fed me joy

When you starved for it.

You filled me with hope

By emptying yourself.

You cut your wings

And granted me flight.

I suppose, like a dying bird would.

Like a dying, selfless bird

Alive only for the one still stuck in the nest.

And now, you rest in your own twig-grave,

Unmarked, unnoticed, unseen.

Unseen to all but me.

 

I loved you because you loved me--

Loved me first before I had a chance to push you away--

Away like all the others who scared me with their

Distant perfection and fuzzy complexions and lofty dreams.

I loved you because you were real with me

Butnyou spared me the great perils of your daily existence

Despite me bleeding, screaming, crying mine.

I loved you because you were spring in a bitter fall.

 

I hated you for awhile when you left just like them.

When you died in winter on a cold, stupid day.

You died, left me with my new, bettered self.

The one you sculpted, cut, molded out of me,

The one you saw in me.

You chiseled and searched and found in me.

 

I loved you again when I realized you never died,

But melted into the scenery--into the painted leaves

And pure, high trills of canaries.

You are still with me in every season, every breath, every flight, every night--

 

Just like a heart;

Just like loosed tears;

Just like a friend--

 

You were the one

 

Who taught me that love

Is not a flimsy, petty something

But a someone who

Melts the ice inside you

And shows you can love too.