They asked me to take away the filters

To show what remains underneath.

Why is a filter so undesirable?

Why do we idolize the untouched?

The "pure"?

For in my experience,

            as a fish owner,

I can tell you

Taking away the filter

            on the contrary

makes the water far less clear.

For when you look at me,

            with all my filters gone

            all the light I produce

                        incandescent

            shining through

Even I am afraid.

I am afraid because I do not like all that I see

I am afraid because I see some good 

            or is it just a filter?

I am afraid because I cannot see

            what the filters have caught

                        already

            that were inside me

            are inside me

            hidden from view.

There are good intentions there

            but intentions aren't much good

                        in the wrong hands.

                        What hands are wrong?

            are they just seeking attention?

                        Like Elphaba

                        Am I Wicked?

                                    Will I be mourned?

There is malice there too

            only against darkness

                        right?

            Against my own.

                        Can dark fight dark?

                        As fire fights fire?

                                    Very Menshevik.

                                    Trotsky would be proud.

The truth resists simplicity

             apparently so do I.

For I love to speak

            yet fear the listener.

I love to listen

            yet fear the words.

I love to write

            yet fear my readers

                        I'm afraid of you.

I love to fly upon my dreams

            yet cannot bear the pain

                        of flying too close to the sun

                        falling short

                        falling.

I love this world

            yet I hate it

                        I guess we have one thing in common.

I try to find myself

            even as I lose her

                        in books

                        in movies

                        in friends

                        in me.

            behind the filters.

I have so many words I wish to say

            but cannot say them

                        I do not dare

            yet they are not enough

            no collection of words

                        letters

            can contain the depths of my thought.

                        So often my mind is silence

                                     so loud

            or music

                        I can't transcribe.

                                    too complex

                                    yet better than words.

No.

These filters keep me whole.

They cut out the static.

No more bias.

No more timidity.

No more belligerence.

No more fear.

No more algae.

They leave only what I want them to.

(Or at least, only what someone wants them to.)

If you were looking for a simple look,

Something easy to understand,

Something clear or simple,

Something pure,

Then asking me to take away the filters was a really.

Really.

Bad.

Idea.