it's hard writing this part
it's hard even thinking about this part in my life
it's hard living when I think about what I went through.
but the hardest part? is that it won't ever go away.
I have nightmares.
about being slammed into my wall cause I didn't clean my room the way she wanted me to.
being thrown down the stairs because I didn't talk quite loud enough for her to hear
and then the next day being told that she's "sorry" and "I was drunk I didn't mean to" bullshit
being in the 5th and 6th grade and being so naive that i couldn't tell it was abuse until
the night I broke my finger
my toe
my ankle
my rib
and I had to tell my teacher I was clumsy and fell down the stairs and that's why I was limping
that's why I had bruises all over my legs
that's why every time someone came to Pat me on the shoulder I'd flinch
and I didn't tell a soul that my moms girlfriend was an abusive drunk
because I didn't want my mom to lose her love
I thought my mom loved her so I kept it all inside
i didn't come home right after school
id walk around the block until 2 hours had passed and I'd have to go home
then I'd go home to a house full of drunken strangers and be told to go to my room
and if I came out
well there's another broken
bone